crikey! see me jump.

hiatic virgin

2009-07-26T22:24:00.002+08:00

this is sanctuary. considering the amount of time i have to spend in the Jungle of Doom.

calibrated measuring cuss

2009-02-15T19:53:00.000+08:00

pissed.

lately,

2009-02-08T00:54:00.009+08:00

i've been crying a lot

finished the period-where-i-can-be-as-bitchy-as-i-can, so i can't blame it on the hormones. why do i feel. bleak is the word i could probably used. is this a stage? a phase maybe? i've had one of those. i feel really tired. like my joints would simply disengage themselves, and i'd be left with my head on the floor wondering what happened. i don't even make sense here.

i've been forgetting a lot of things

smal things. big stuff. events. things i just said.

......

my current patient has Alzheimer's (aside from also having pneumonia, DM, HPN, multiple brain infarction). it's not contagious, but then i wonder.

he's already spent 1 month in the hospital. today. (admitted last January 8)

the doctors wrote this on the physician's order sheet:

"Suggest enrollment to hospice care program."

got this definition from merriam-webster.com:

hospice

Main Entry:: hos·pice
Pronunciation:: \ˈhäs-pəs\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: French, from Old French hospise, from Latin hospitium, from hospit-, hospes host — more at host
Date:: 1818

1 : a lodging for travelers, young persons, or the underprivileged especially when maintained by a religious order
2 : a facility or program designed to provide a caring environment for meeting the physical and emotional needs of the terminally ill

this. it. made me sad.

AREN'T WE ALL... TERMINAL?

don't we all have an active and malignant disease that is reasonably expected to result in our death? (see wiki for this matter) Earth is simply a colossal mass grave.
......

we suffer. we all do. when we do, we think we've been hand-picked to endure pain. It's selfish to think that we'd been singled out.

assume.
analyze.
overanalyze.
interpret.

hoola-ba-LOO

2009-01-27T00:18:00.004+08:00

An excerpt from The Spook's Curse by Joseph Delaney:

My dad was a believer, even though he never went to church. None of our family did because farming didn't stop on Sunday and we were always too busy miking or doing other chores. But it suddenly made me wonder what the Spook believed, especially knowing what Mam had told me - that the Spook had once been a priest himself.

'Do you believe in God?' I asked him.

'I used to believe in God,' the Spook replied, his expression very thoughtful. 'When i was a child i never doubted the existence of God for a single moment, but eventually I changed. You see lad, when you've lived as long as I have, there are things that make you wonder. So now I'm not so sure but I still keep an open mind.

'But I'll tell you this,' he went on. 'Two or three times in my life I've been in situations so bad that I never expected to walk away from them. I've faced the dark and almost, but not quite, resigned myself to death. Then, just when all's seemed lost, I've been filled with new strength. Where it came from I can only guess. But with that strength came a new feeling. That someone or something was at my side. That I was no longer alone.'

The Spook paused and sighed deeply. 'I don't believe in the God they preach about in church,' he said. 'I don't believe in an old man with a white beard. But there's something watching what we do, and if you live your life right, in your hour of need it'll stand at your side and lend you its strength. That's what I believe.'

i hate it when people thinks my pimples define me

2009-01-19T20:01:00.001+08:00

who wouldn't?

garr.

tiring and pointless. why do i even bother.

keep your eyes off my toes

2008-12-05T23:32:00.003+08:00

it's been such a tiring month yet again.

i think i'll never get over you. bummer.
i miss you, then i hate missing you, then i love talking about you, then i get sad when i think of you again (i can't seem to help it), then i get goosebumps when i think of you/hear our fucking song, then i miss you again. it's a fucking cycle.
I Just Dont Think Ill Get Over You.mp3 - Colin Hay

my eyes are as swollen as ripe peaches

2008-11-17T21:10:00.002+08:00

i am just so so tired.

i need NO distractions. so quit sticking your head in the pie-hole.

oh no you don't

2008-10-29T13:48:00.004+08:00

each of us are entitled to at least one flaw. so don't get all too superior and feel as if you're perfect and all that.

......
i'm starting to really hate you Estonia. again.

i don't mind the stone-throwing. but if you use the big guns, i don't think i can take much more bullets.

My Bi-Polar Cuddly Bear

2008-10-26T00:17:00.003+08:00

i. can't. write. about. happy. stuff.

Up dharma Down's Album Lauch was a blaaaaaast!!! it was itwas itwasitwas..

i can't even begin to describe it.

me and The Klutz were in front, directly in front of Ean (btw, our left eardums were busted).

and i shook hands with HIM. the bassist of my wet dreams. :)

AND ABSOLUTELY NO PICTURES WERE TAKEN LAST NIGHT! we simply enjoyed the moment, absorbed the ambiance and the whole intimacy thing.

mymind'sthebestcamlastnight.

hello again, my computer friend

2008-10-23T21:10:00.004+08:00

so am back and pretty much online again. I have a very painful stomatitis located besidemy lower right frenulum. geez. am too chicken for any mouth washes (i was told it was so so painful) or even tawas. i'll prolly try ice for now or salt and water. if not effective, i'll buy a painless ointment or gel tomorrow. and the scary thing is, it's getting bigger. really.

......

The Rebel and I were planning to add a little song number on the 31st during the Halloween/Christmas Party. Yey!

oooh, and we'll prolly jog tomorrow, wow, first time in such a long long time.
...

dang, my singaw. it hurts.

oh yes, i can taste cinnamon-flavored victory

2008-10-21T17:12:00.004+08:00

opkors i shall flaunt my grades. i am just so so happy i passed Pharmacology. Geez. 84 is not a bad grade (think: almost everybody around you has a grade of 74 and above, see? 84 is NOT a bad grade), although it is somewhat lower than my expected grade.

my RLE grade is quite suspicious considering the effort i put in that subject. and 8 units??!! gee.

my right hand was literally shaking as i signed my name earlier, and oh the pleasure i felt as i gazed into the piece of paper that CAN change my life (remember how you felt when you won first place in a strictly competitive...uh, competition? that's exactly how i felt at that moment).

i don't think anything/anybody can burst my happy bubble.

HAPPY HORMONES: you can't even begin to comprehend the amount of happy hormones in my system right now.

......

i'll be visiting Mother today up until the 23rd. oh yes, family reunion indeed.

yes you my banana friend

2008-10-20T22:11:00.002+08:00

you keep me sane. yes YOU. thanks.

Little Miss Sunny Side Up

2008-10-20T18:39:00.001+08:00

okay then, woke up at about 3:30pm (yes, i know, even for me this is a record). my head feels like i've been hanging out with a couple of rugby boys.

watched Madrasta but i didn't quite finish it due to Pubao's very annoying gimme-the-remote speech.

......

i hafta control my temper, yes i know. my pants with a couple of hundreds was missing. i found out Estonia washed it (i was supposed to use it tomorrow since i'm going to get my class cards), and i found out that i only have about 170Php from those jeans. grrr. so i told her to not touch my things again so there'd be no accusations and pointing fingers in the future.

oh and i remember, The Rebel and I are watching Serendipity earlier, i can't even write about it since i'm starting to get really pissed off again. i''ll write about it later, though i have to sleep early (that's something to look forward to).

......

oh yes, i forgot: the red flag is up.

chase, chase, tag you're it

2008-10-20T01:51:00.000+08:00

i miss you. as much as i can tell, the level of my moronic love for you is still very much the same. declining i hope.

you are the fly i've been trying to (a) swat, (b) lure out of my room by opening my door.

i am so tired of THIS. i'm tired of having to write about you. yes, there are others. there is one now.

Ha! see?

you're happy, and alive, and happy. i think about you and i feel goosebumps, literally. of course i try to NOT think about you, do you think i enjoy pain? maybe. maybe NOT. before, you are the one person i never grew tired talking to(aside from The Klutz and A). i remembered earlier, the book you bought for me from the shop with the name you and a saint are sharing.

everyone (even those in denial) has a He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless episode. and frankly mine is way past the 1-hour limit.

i still miss you. and i hate to admit that i wish you do too.

another conversation with the mailbox

2008-10-19T18:33:00.000+08:00

so again i woke up at about 2pm, jeez, the headthrob that comes with it. and i can feel the acid in my stomach consuming its walls earlier. pH -3 probably.

finished Sloppy Firsts at 2am, then i started reading Second Helpings. i still can't decide IF i'll read Charmed Thirds since i've heard a lot of negative reviews about it. But for Marcus Flutie, maybe i'll give it a shot.

......

talked with My Favorite Aunt today (after not talking for nearly two weeks due to conflicting schedules), i really missed talking to her. she'll be sending us her digicam, a very new one.

as soon as i said i'll take care of it, The Rebel and Estonia 'volunteered' to keep it safe. which is annoying for SOME reason, since it's a given fact that i usually keep everything here safe (including their asses when The Mother of My Father's here), and since My Favorite Aunt left the instructions to me.

what the heck let them keep it, let them buy the cables, the batteries and whatever. i won't be wasting my time uploading pictures from it since they probably KNOW how to use it then and i won't even use it. i'll be washing my hands with Astring-O-Sol then.

peeve peeve peeve.

lumbosacral pain is excruciating, i gotta tell you. i'd gladly skip all of this.

......

am still excited about the party. really.

for the love of worms

2008-10-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep.

AGAIN.

insomaniac strikes again. so I'm about to finish Sloppy Firsts (why again didn't I read it before?!). am enjoying it, very much. reading it feels like talking to The Klutz.

......

texted A earlier and i asked her, "If I'm The Lizard and J's The Klutz, A is The?". she said, "Asa gerl? si PZ pussy boy e"

that was a happy moment. happy happy. i really miss her. if you know her like WE do, you'd miss her too.

......

Bi-Polar Bear.

i posted a comment on armi millare's blog:

me: "i am so excited. saw you guys at the Incu Concert. that was a great night. kainggit yung pictures niyo. still feel giddy when i think about that night.

me and my friend’ll be going to the Bipolar launch. about 1 more week to go!!!!

you guys really are great. really."

armimillare on October 17, 2008 said: "thanks virg, we’ll be expecting you there :) we’ll make sure you enjoy the evening."

oh the trappings of udd-love. you'll never know the half of it.

......

imeem-love.

there's a genius lurking SOMEWHERE

2008-10-18T14:41:00.000+08:00

woke up at about 1pm again. tired of doing the same thing everyday, and i can't (won't) do anything else.

......

i realized that if you don't stay in contact with somebody (even for one day), you won't miss them. and it's nice because you don't have to dissect everything they'd say.

I tried it with Mb, and it worked!

You can (sometimes) be in control of your emotions. You can squish that budding fuzzy warm feeling before it bloomed into something big and dangerous. Tried, tested. You can put somebody aside. If you chose to.

......

Been reading Megan McCafferty's Sloppy Firsts, J's been bugging me to read that about two years ago, I know I wondered WHY I've been trying to put it off. Geez. Talk about genius. The book reminded me of J and A and PZ. As I was coasting through the e-book I snagged from our ever-reliable Internet earlier at 2am, I read this part and I had a eureka! moment:

"I really missed you tonight. I miss talking to you. Knowing that you get me. And every time I talk to someone else it just reminds me how much they don’t." - Sloppy Firsts

This is probably how I can describe my relationship with J and A. And I'm just so so happy. One word that is definitely applicable to us three (PROVEN): Constant.

are we really supposed to celebrate?

2008-10-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

bought things for our BIG Halloween Party on October 31st. it was fun, though i was supposed to buy me-self a pair of shoes for the next semester.

i love my family so much. i want the kids to have fun on that day, since our happy-days are numbered. we're kinda considering it as our Christmas Party too.

I miss The Mother of my Father, but sometimes, scratch that, most of the time when she's here... you miss the days when she's NOT here.

when you think about it twice, it actually makes sense

2008-10-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes though, no matter how many times you think about it, you still end up NOT understanding anything that you just thought about.

you think people will love you for giving them your time, but no, they don't really care. pathetic leeches.