hiatic virgin

this is sanctuary. considering the amount of time i have to spend in the Jungle of Doom.

calibrated measuring cuss

pissed.

lately,

i've been crying a lot

finished the period-where-i-can-be-as-bitchy-as-i-can, so i can't blame it on the hormones. why do i feel. bleak is the word i could probably used. is this a stage? a phase maybe? i've had one of those. i feel really tired. like my joints would simply disengage themselves, and i'd be left with my head on the floor wondering what happened. i don't even make sense here.

i've been forgetting a lot of things

smal things. big stuff. events. things i just said.

......

my current patient has Alzheimer's (aside from also having pneumonia, DM, HPN, multiple brain infarction). it's not contagious, but then i wonder.

he's already spent 1 month in the hospital. today. (admitted last January 8)


the doctors wrote this on the physician's order sheet:

"Suggest enrollment to hospice care program."

got this definition from merriam-webster.com:

hospice

One entry found.

Main Entry:

hos·pice

Pronunciation:

\ˈhäs-pəs\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

French, from Old French hospise, from Latin hospitium, from hospit-, hospes host — more at host

Date:

1818

1 : a lodging for travelers, young persons, or the underprivileged especially when maintained by a religious order
2 : a facility or program designed to provide a caring environment for meeting the physical and emotional needs of the terminally ill


this. it. made me sad.

AREN'T WE ALL... TERMINAL?

don't we all have an active and malignant disease that is reasonably expected to result in our death? (see wiki for this matter) Earth is simply a colossal mass grave.
......

we suffer. we all do. when we do, we think we've been hand-picked to endure pain. It's selfish to think that we'd been singled out.

assume.
analyze.
overanalyze.
interpret.

hoola-ba-LOO

An excerpt from The Spook's Curse by Joseph Delaney:

My dad was a believer, even though he never went to church. None of our family did because farming didn't stop on Sunday and we were always too busy miking or doing other chores. But it suddenly made me wonder what the Spook believed, especially knowing what Mam had told me - that the Spook had once been a priest himself.

'Do you believe in God?' I asked him.

'I used to believe in God,' the Spook replied, his expression very thoughtful. 'When i was a child i never doubted the existence of God for a single moment, but eventually I changed. You see lad, when you've lived as long as I have, there are things that make you wonder. So now I'm not so sure but I still keep an open mind.

'But I'll tell you this,' he went on. 'Two or three times in my life I've been in situations so bad that I never expected to walk away from them. I've faced the dark and almost, but not quite, resigned myself to death. Then, just when all's seemed lost, I've been filled with new strength. Where it came from I can only guess. But with that strength came a new feeling. That someone or something was at my side. That I was no longer alone.'

The Spook paused and sighed deeply. 'I don't believe in the God they preach about in church,' he said. 'I don't believe in an old man with a white beard. But there's something watching what we do, and if you live your life right, in your hour of need it'll stand at your side and lend you its strength. That's what I believe.'

i hate it when people thinks my pimples define me

who wouldn't?


garr.

tiring and pointless. why do i even bother.